To enter into solidarity with a suffering person does not mean that we have to talk with that person about our own suffering. Speaking about our own pain is seldom helpful for someone who is in pain. A wounded healer is someone who can listen to a person in pain without having to speak about his or her own wounds. When we have lived through a painful depression, we can listen with great attentiveness and love to a depressed friend without mentioning our experience. Mostly it is better not to direct a suffering person’s attention to ourselves. We have to trust that our own bandaged wounds will allow us to listen to others with our whole beings. That is healing.
emphasis mine
12 comments
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July 10, 2008 at 3:47 pm
Jana Allard
From my experience, usually no words are needed when tending a wounded person. They respond most to compassion, help, and love.
July 10, 2008 at 4:07 pm
helenl
I think you are right, Jana.
July 10, 2008 at 9:02 pm
writeathome
Yes, we don’t have to speak of our wounds to a wounded person, but don’t you think it is helpful sometimes to share our experiences? It seems like it would give someone hope to know that another person has gone through a similar situation to theirs and made it through with God’s help.
July 10, 2008 at 11:41 pm
helenl
Carol, I think all situations of ministry call for sensitivity and discernment. It isn’t situation ethics to recognize that different people have different needs.
July 11, 2008 at 3:42 am
Jana Allard
I would like to respond to Carol’s comment. I believe the wounds we suffer can be used for testimony of God’s deliverance, but usually have no merit when tending to a wounded person. During the many times I have been placed in a position to help a wounded person, they really only respond to compassion and love. If I try to tell how I have “been there done that” when a person is in crisis, they don’t have the faith to believe that my problem was as great or greater than theirs. At that moment, they don’t think anyone in the world has suffered more. If I supply their physical needs, hug them, tell them it is okay to cry, and offer loving compassion, I will soothe their wounds much better than trying to tell them how I survived my wound. There have been times when I was invited to speak, I have used some personal examples as testimony to God’s power and to give encouragement to the discouraged.
July 11, 2008 at 11:01 am
writeathome
Helen and Jana. Thanks for your comments.
If I try to tell how I have “been there done that” when a person is in crisis, they don’t have the faith to believe that my problem was as great or greater than theirs. At that moment, they don’t think anyone in the world has suffered more.
Yes, I can see how this is true. Sometimes people just want or need someone to “be there” for them and not necessarily give them all the answers or what we think are answers.
July 11, 2008 at 11:37 am
helenl
I think we’re all on the same page here.
I think we all know that 99.9% of the time we must listen and minister quietly, avoiding the tendency to give unsolicited advice no matter how useful and similar we think it is, and be sensitive to the .1% when God will let us know to act differently.
July 11, 2008 at 12:54 pm
Karen Hopper
I would have to agree with Carol. People tend to focus on their problem, thinking it to be more prevalent (or worse) than another’s. When my husband had his devastating accident in 1976, I felt in a class of my own. Not realizing others had walked there or in a worst place. However, after the death of my son in 1993, and the death of my 5-month old granddaughter in 1996 – it was the quiet ministries of a smile, a touch, a hug, a letter, a card, just a FEW words said under His direction, etc., that ministered to me. I believe that when we cross paths with someone in a struggle, we need most to offer the ministry of wordless sensitivity. In fact, Jana was one of those that did that for me, and she is very special and always will be. I know Carol would have done the same had I known her during those times. And Helen, with your last comment, I know you would have done the same too had I know you at that time. I am thankful that the Lord has given us all sensitivity to others.
July 11, 2008 at 1:44 pm
helenl
Karen, It is question of being in tune with God’s Spirit.
July 11, 2008 at 2:47 pm
Karen Hopper
Exactly right.
July 12, 2008 at 3:15 am
Jana Allard
These comments prove the statement, “Birds of a feather flock together.” We would all act appropriately in the time of crisis. I’m thankful to have all of you as friends and value your prayers and support. There is a song by Hezekiah Walker that says it best –
I need you, you need me.
We’re all a part of God’s body.
Stand with me, agree with me.
We’re all a part of God’s body.
It is his will, that every need be supplied.
You are important to me, I need you to survive.
You are important to me, I need you to survive.
I pray for you, You pray for me.
I love you, I need you to survive.
I won’t harm you with words from my mouth.
I love you, I need you to survive.
It is his will, that every need be supplied.
You are important to me, I need you to survive.
July 12, 2008 at 11:10 am
helenl
Thanks, Karen and Jana.